Retire from show biz, Britney

Britney Spears a brand name just like Prada, Gucci and there are fools who will pay $400 a ticket to see her shake her shoulders on stage and move her lips to her robotic tunes. There was a time in her “day” that she sweat to her dance and worked hard to entertain. Tina Turner who’s in her 60’s still puts on energetic shows, dances as if she were many years younger. My prediction for Britney in her 60s, she’ll be wheeled in on stage in a wheelchair twit tiling her thumbs to her robotic music. And fools will pay $600 a ticket to watch it.

People shouldn’t pay so much to watch her walk across the stage and lip synch to her computerized music. It’s a ripoff.

People tend to compare Britney to Madonna, but Madonna was never critasized for her lack of performance on stage or being lazy, ripping people off for their money. Even though she can’t sing, she works it on stage.

The following is a review from the Toronto Star for Britney’s concert in Toronto, this past weekend.

Britney Spears gave up being much of a presence on her own recordings three albums ago, but it’s starting to look like she can’t be bothered with the live shows, either.

To that, I say: Godspeed, darling. Get off the bloody stage and take a little time to yourself away from the spotlight I’m not sure you crave anymore. Disappear for a few years and come back with a really good role in a John Waters movie or something because it’s plain to see you don’t particularly want to be doing this.

At the first of her two nearly sold-out Femme Fatale tour dates at the Air Canada Centre on Saturday night, anyway, the 29-year-old former teen queen came off as a performer very nearly bled of whatever spark she once had. She barely sang a note — her voice has been processed well beyond recognition on every record since 2007’s Blackout so, really, there’s not much sense in turning the microphone on at this point — and ran through her rote dance moves like a dead-eyed stripper going through the motions on the early-afternoon shift. Half the time she wasn’t even dancing, just being moved around on moving sidewalks and rotating pieces of the stage and various contraptions hanging from the ceiling. Her stage banter was perfunctory and, if not quite insincere, then totally vacant. There doesn’t, horror of horrors, even seem to be much energy put into the outfits, basically a handful of bikini variations to show off Brit’s taut bod. What’s going on?

None of this mattered too much to the crowd, which was either female or gay, with very little latitude in between. Girls’ nights out tend to be uncritical times, after all, and gay men love to dote on a beautiful basket case — even more so when she comes surrounded by dancers and sound-tracked by thumping club beats.

And, to be fair, Britney brought the thumping club beats. Most of the set list came from the tech-heavy new Femme Fatale, 2008’s Circus and Blackout, and delivered enough crowd-pleasing oomph on danceable ear candy like “Hold it Against Me,” “Big Fat Bass,” “If U Seek Amy,” “Womanizer” and “(Drop Dead) Beautiful” to get the place going off in reasonable fashion. The latter, by the way, is a bit of a rip of Lady Gaga’s “Beautiful, Dirty, Rich,” but it might be a good choice for the next single if the way it sets the boys a-dancin’ is any measure.

Weirdly, though, for such thoroughly modern digital music — so modern that Spears no longer tours with a band, just two dudes pushing buttons and punching the odd keyboard riff on a ramp above the stage — it wasn’t selling itself very well through the P.A. The mix sounded remote and flat and pumped out far too much top end at the expense of the low end for material so reliant on the aforementioned big, fat bass. Can’t anybody be bothered to at least get the sound right on this tour?

The most effort appeared to have been put into the interstitial video segments that featured a handsome stalker dude watching creepy peeping videos and plotting Britney’s demise. I’m not sure what that means, but it says something. Take some time off, Brit.