Have they run out of medication? And why aren’t these people taking them??
Stong enough to sedate them. What did I tell ya all in my posts? RELIGION = MENTAL ILLNESS
Put those bibles in the time capsule and leave it there!!! Enough already!
How to spend the last night before the apocalypse — repent or party?
Since Friday is not just the end of the week, but also the last night on earth before we either ascend to heaven or suffer eternal damnation (preceded of course by five months of supernatural earthquakes and unspeakable suffering), you’ve got to figure out how to give yourself and the rest of civilization a proper send-off.
Unless of course you think you’ve got a shot at cracking Team Rapture. Then all you have to worry about is who’s going to look after your loyal — but agnostic — golden retriever.
Saturday, May 21, 2011, is the day of the rapture — Judgment Day, when Jesus Christ will return to earth to rescue the souls of believers and vanquish the rest — at least according to Harold Camping, the founder of Family Radio, a California-based evangelical Christian radio network.
“The Bible guarantees it!” Family Radio’s website exclaims. The non-profit network of dozens of evangelical radio stations, has posted 3,000 billboards about the rapture across the world, including 85 in Canada.
Pre- and post-rapture parties are being planned all over the world, mostly of the satirical variety.
One Toronto man turned to Craigslist Thursday in the hopes of finding a last-minute bedmate to satisfy his earthly pleasures for the last time.
“I love sex and don’t want to die without another kick at the can,” the 31-year-old wrote under the heading: FINAL HOOK-UP BEFORE THE RAPTURE. “Please respond with a photo. God dislikes anonymity.”
By Thursday afternoon, more than 300,000 people had signed up to attend a “Post-Rapture Looting” event on Facebook.
“When everyone is gone and god’s not looking, we need to pick up some sweet stereo equipment and maybe some new furniture for the mansion we’re going to squat in.”
“Does the rapture come with fog?” Lola Augustine Brown asked Thursday morning on Twitter. “Apparently in #Toronto, the #rapture comes with a deluge,” another answered.
As for dealing with that golden retriever, fortunately a number of opportunistic entrepreneurs have got you covered.
For a one-time $10 administrative fee, After the Rapture Pet Care, will ensure your dog is not orphaned by your salvation. “Our non-Christian administrators will activate our rescue plan,” assures Sharon Moss, owner of the business.
Camping, 89, who also predicted the world would end in 1994, claims to have reached his conclusion after studying the Bible and mathematically interpreting a timeline of ancient events, including the Biblical flood survived by Noah. (The erroneous ’94 prophecy was based on the same type of calculation, but Camping says he has corrected his previous mistakes.)
According to Camping, the rapture will occur at 6 p.m. local time, meaning the reckoning will begin in New Zealand at around 2 a.m. EST. A series of massive earthquakes will then more or less destroy the earth in waves across the time zones. Souls of believers will be lifted to heaven and anyone who survives the quakes will live through a chaotic and tormented hell on earth until Oct. 21, when God will decide enough is enough and destroy the planet.