No title Post

Ok, so I don’t now what happened to my lower back and upper ass cheeks. I’ve been walking around as if there is something up my ass or like a black girl with a big booty, back arched upwards and butt outwards.

I dragged and forced my sorry ass (literally) to the gym today because I skipped Sunday, I have to go every other day or I feel guilty not going, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. You could hear me in agony saying “ouch” out loud and cursing at my ass, people must of thought I needed help. And they’re right, I do, I’ll tell ya what I need, I need that  PICKLE HORSESHOE OUT OF MY ASS! I never talk to myself in public or alone, but I just had to, I had to let people know that I normally don’t walk like a black woman with a big booty, I DON’T EVEN HAVE A BIG ASS!

I mean it is plump and bouncy and all.

 Like as if I’m carrying a lot of junk in the trunk. Well, that’s how I felt. Thank You!

It must  of been the missionary style leg lift I do at the gym, that’s must caused it. I’ve been this way since Saturday..err not in missionary style.

And for those people who who were thinking,”He must of got it good lastnight!” The last time I remembered sex was that good and painful was probably 10 years ago, everyone I had between than and now, I  just don’t remember. Well mostly because they were all forgettable, sadly. The guy from the Humane Society gave a good BJ but that was in 2002, but that’s all I can recall, really. Oh, the one who worked at the meat department in the grocery store was delicious.

Nooo, I didn’t eat him. Delicious is a term to describe lick able and doable.

I am so not talking about my previous and present sex life. SHUT UP!

You know, sex is an art. You either got it or you don’t. A man doesn’t need a horse sized part to satisfy. It’s all in the technique, kiss, touch etc. So much emphasis is put on the size. And if you are one of those people who cannot do out with something the size of a baseball bat, you got some real issues down there. Would you like a thread and needle?

Do some keigals…squeeze and release.

Believe it or not, in my kingdom (Us Leo’s call our home the Kingdom), I’m a very private person. And most of the time I keep my blinds semi closed because I have other apartment buildings surrounding me and people tend to be noisy. Sometimes I gotta be naked ever since  I’ve been practising to love my body, they say you should hang out naked and you’ll love your body in no time. Anyway, so today I am at my desk (clothed) in my room and it’s facing the window, doing work, and for once I have my curtains a bit opened as I enjoy the light coming in, and I’m sitting there scratching my testicles (kidding) and I look up and low and behold a woman is standing at her balcony smoking a cigarette staring right at me. I’m like, GO AWAY!  Now if it were some hot man, I’d say let’s get the party started! Not like if the opposite sex appauls I like my PRIVACY!!

Time to move.


* Please note: this remedy will not work if you’re wide as the grand canal, in that case you’re shit out of luck.*