FatBack

NOTICE:

In my 20’s, my online persona was called ‘SexyCanadianLeo’… WHAT HAPPENED?

 

Ok, I’m sure I sound feminine when I say this… there’s the old Britney, the new Oprah and the new Jessica Simpson and now I fall into the same category with those who have blown up, but I’m sure my case is just minor. Yes, y’all I’ve got the fatty. I’ve gained like 10 lbs. Specialists and scientists are figuring out if it’s water, fat or muscle, or all three. But, it has to do with devouring some food here and there to comfort some stress here and there but I’m sure I will deflate and I will return to my normal self, that is if I stop devouring and indulging when bored and not hungry. But I’ve got to lose the baby fat x10 because I’m soon going to be embarking onto an adventure within the next month or so.

I won’t take offense to the phone call I received from the personal trainer from the health club I go to when he offered me a free personal training workout session. But ya know, I would of said yes if the personal training were happening in bed. Well, depends who. Wouldn’t that be painful..no no, not that..but to have someone spot you lifting weights, sweating, getting hot, and at the end there’s no sex.

And I observe sometimes and I see how those people get personally trained ya know. It’s like watching foreplay. On the floor, all spread out, stretching the legs while the trainer is up close and personal.

Roooooaaarrr!!! The Lion says.

So if you see me walloping by, please don’t feed me, or else I would be needing a forklift to transport me. Or perhaps 3 different scooters and 4 different chairs kinda like my 400lbs-89-year-old miracle grandfather. I need to contact the Guinness Book of World Records and ask if the grandfather is the heaviest person in his age range. Yes, he’s the same grandfather who smuggles food into his retirement home. If you walk by their  rooms, you’d think he’s the President of the damn place.  He already got the 40″ Flat Screen, big ass leather recliner chair, a couch, 2 cordless phones and soon…a mini fridge. People, I am not talking about a ‘green room’ for the rich and famous, this is a room in a RETIREMENT HOME!!!

What I don’t get is this, he eats anything and everything, but he’s got to have only bottled water. Refuses to drink straight from the tap, like if eating like a hippo isn’t gonna kill ya first?? Well, the reason why he hasn’t died from a heart attack yet is because my grandmother, she’s a slave for him and is his ass wiper.

But as for my temporary weight gain (cause it rarely lasts long), I am sporting tiny man boobies and a plumper ass BUT have no fear when I look down I can still see my penis.

Yea, I might be over-reacting.

 

Oscar psychics:

Ok..so I’ve got four more movies (Curious Case of Brad Pitt, the Wrestler, Frost/Nixon, the Visitor) to watch before I release my final Oscar predictions. There is no doubt ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ will win for Best Picture.  Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for Meryl Streep, who will not win for Best Actress nor is it Kate Winslet’s year, yet again.  It’s known that that they’re two of the most gifted but their performances weren’t Oscar material. And I’m wondering why ‘The Reader’ is nominated for Best Picture, it was a good movie but incomplete, seemed like a lot of chapters were missing, or did I watch a condensed version of the film? As for “Milk’, it will not win Best Picture, because Slumdog will.

I’m into the Oscar thing this year because of the contenders, big competition going on here. BIG, mainly because of the names involved.

Excuse me as I clean my rolls.