So I will try to make light of my dating experience, or lack of. You see, if you’ve not noticed I love to be punished unintentionally and subconciously. And what better way than to meet strangers from the internet. But who am I kidding, for gay men, it’s the way they operate, relationships must start off with sex first. In the gay culture there is no such thing as getting to know another person by going on a field trip to the art gallery, it’s about let’s take a walk to the bedroom, right into bed and romp, and even that, hours of good sex doesn’t guarantee a 2nd date.
I phoned my mother and told her I’m turning straight, she wants to hook me up with a momma-cee-ta ( full figured Spanish woman with a powerful #@&$).
I’ve changed my ways 3 or so more years ago, from being an outrageous wild party animal slut to being a monk. During the monk years it really feels like if I live in convent. And let me tell ya, when you’re desperate, you’re damn desperate. In the gay world, being in your 30’s suddenly makes you a senior. I used to get responses left right and center off the slimy sites, not anymore. If I were to follow the others I would keep my age at 29 and post a picture of me from 5 or so years ago, but I’m honest so I won’t. What does someone gain for having a dishonest profile???
Anyway, so lastnight I was desperate, ok I was very desperate so I ended up meeting someone offone of those twebsites. Ya know for me compliments, charm and kissing ass wins me over, what can I say I’ve been known to be easy sleazy, it rarely happens anymore but on a couple drops of alcohol. Lastnight, I had a couple glasses of white wine and suddenly became drunk, I rarely drink so I’m a cheap drunk. And as I type this, I remind myself that I can be a dumbtwat sometimes. Well, I hesitated to go over to a strangers apartment, but he begged and I was desperate for booty. Yes it’s freaky, and I, Mr. Desperatado traveled all the way downtown. The next time I go on these lame dates I should do a hidden camera experiment and make it into some comedy sitcom or something. It can be good entetainment.
I really suck at dates and I’m damn good at it (get your mind out of the gutter). I’m not good at first impressions actually. “So, I’ve had a drug problem, been to rehab, been in and out of jail a few times and um here I am in your apartment.” LOLOL I so do not say that.
My ride dropped me off and I was on my way to his place in the’ village’. But I noticed something peculiar when I got to the front of the building, there was someone standing in front of the building on his cell and checking me out, seems as if he was relaying info to the person I was going to meet. What? Do I need a bodyguard or something, when you meet people off the sites, YOU DO!
When I entered his apartment unit, for some odd reason he had all the lights on. Why do I hate that? Cause it’s unflattering. As soon as I stepped in, surprise someone called him then text him, it couldn’t be anymore obvious that someone was checking up on him no less than 2 minutes from walking in the door, and when I asked who it was, he said it was his neighbour, and some crap about his “married neighbours” look out for him. Maybe when I looked in the mirror I somehow didn’t see the word ‘Stupid’ on my forehead. But I sure saw the word on his forehead. And I just love it when someone thinks I’m stupid and I prove them wrong, I’m a double the asswhole.
So, after the lovely entrance, he asked if I’ve seen ‘Mamma Mia’ the movie, I told I havn’t, so he put the DVD on, and strange enough he kept fast forwarding to the dance scenes, I said to thim “Um, HALLO, it’s not a porno, you just don’t fast forward to the climax”, so since I mentioned the word porn, what else do you expect from a man, he asked if I wanted to watch porn. I respectfully declined,
Now, um,word of advice, if you’re going to meet someone for the first time, at least shave, wear something a bit, just a bit appealing because an orange colored top and dirty looking jeans makes it look like as if you were just released from prison, or escaped from one. And at least tuck in the prison wear, cause you look like a slob otherwise. Definitely, Not my taste. But hey, did ya at least shower? Mmm, the aroma of sweaty balls.
Well, to make the long story short, oddly enough ( I’m definitely blaming the wine), my tongue was down the throat and I was on my way out the door.
And that’s payback to me for being desperate and meeting dingdongs off the internet.
I’m expecting a better and brighter 2009.
I still wanna have sex all night on New Years Eve tho, cause I really want to bring the new year in with a bang. If you’re into it..wink..wink..send me a shout..lol..
This has nothing to do with the above…And yes, I’m losing my hair, if you got a magical pill to stop it or grow more, let me know. Otherwise I can’t do anything about it. Propecia doesn’t work well. There are things you can’t control in your life and that’s one of them, you have to learn to accept things as they are. And Im not wearing a wig, nor extensions, nor a toupee, the more you try to conceal something the more obvious it is.
So with all that being said, being a strong person, I just move on. And as I always say “Im not for everyone”.