The journey in life is about many things and during this path there is no destination. I need to keep reminding myself that, seems like a need to find a place but it’s about the journey and when we find that place we know it’s our time to go. I have a lot to go before I get there.
Perhaps it’s the reason why I’ve never been in a relationship with someone, it’s because for the 33 years since I’ve been brought onto this earth I’ve had a very unhealthy relationship with myself. We all know the saying, “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else”, it’s evident I am not there yet. I’ve got to work on the relationship with myself first.
They say to forget the past and move on, those who say that don’t know much at all . It’s easy to preach, it’s easier to not practice what we preach. I’m guilty of that. And I’m sure if I followed my own advice and instincts things would of ended up differently.
It would be nice to settle with someone, but not just anyone. I am not one of those people who settles for just anyone, those who do are unhappy and are in it because of convenience. There is no difference between being in a unhealthy or “convenient” relationship and being unhappy because you’re single.There could be so many reasons why I am single, that’s what therapy is for. I need to quit analyzing things and take things at face value. Things are not what they seem to be or want it to be and I’ve accepted the fact that I am not perfect even though I think everything has to be, I can’t settle for anything less.
I don’t fancy showering with the neighbors. It creeps me out actually, especially when you can hear loud and clear that the couple are taking a shower together. And because my walls are thin, I’ve learned a lot about them without even meeting them. I know when there’s a booty call because of the pounding and the bed headboard slamming into the wall, a dead giveaway , them and my neighbors up above, I also know that the woman next door thinks she’s too fat, I heard her yelling at him saying “You don’t want to touch me because I’m too fat”. I know all this when I’m wiping my ass in my bathroom , where else can I hear this crap, no pun intended..Sorry to disgust. Living in a building with thin walls reminds me when I used to live with my parents many years ago. After coming home from a night of dancing, I was drenched from sweat, so I showered when I got home at 2am and I didn’t want to wake up my family so I was extra careful and showered lightly. Same goes for now, I have this paranoia that I may wake up my neighbors if I shower late.
But things have been quiet lately, they either read my blogs or overheard me on the phone talking about them..lol.. I tend to be loud on the phone, not because I’m a loud person it’s because for some reason “the people” I talk to all have cheapo phones that they most likely purchased from the dollar store. Sometimes it sounds like they’re calling from space or mars.
I’m sure I will not have issues when I move into my new place.
I love it when family and friends lend a helping hand and send me listings of rentals. It’s awesome that they’re showing some help, but the places they recommend or send to me are like death chambers. I shake my head every time I look at these places they send me. Seriously, it’s common sense and logic, the question one needs to ask themselves “Will I live in a place like this?” and if you say YES, go hit your head against the wall and knock some sense into it. One of them thinks we’re in the 1970’s where rent is $610. Time to step out of the doll house and make believe world and tune into reality. More like $1100 for a one bedroom apartment in Toronto.And that’s for only a 600 sq ft apartment, it’s criminal.
The aliens just told me that they took away all the smart people and they’re in mars.They’ve mistaken me for an alien and left me here.
I’ve brought my sister and her 5 month old daughter to visit from Las Vegas, her daughter is the most adorable thing. And she’s such a good baby. She only cries when she’s hungry or tired and she’s a very happy big girl. She’s 5 months and already at 16 lbs and is already holding her baby bottle, no lie, she’s cute as a button and she makes me so happy every time I see her, something about kids and dogs that bring happiness and joy to me. My sister, mother and I were strooling downtown today and I’m sure people thought my sister and I were a couple with a child.
Watched Sex & the City: The Movie on DVD, it was better than expected. With a few subtle twists, a lot of sleazy material, including penis, ass, and a hairy vagina, humor at times and with those elements it’s obvious a gay guy wrote the script. I’ve heard there’s gonna be Part 2. Which doesn’t surprise me. But in movieland 9 out of 10 times, sequels SUCK ASS!
IronMan is next, maybe tomorrow.
You know, there was a time when I was a youthful guy in my 20’s. Back then, just a few years ago, I had gorgeous thick hair and a smaller head..lol..now as my hair recedes, I have a whole new outlook. I think I’m accepting the fact that there are things I cannot control and have to accept in life. We live in a very superficial society and I personally could’nt careless if someone is losing their hair, a lot of times it’s sexy, only when they don’t try to hide it. I see a lot of men with comb overs or who try their hardest to fight aging, the more one tries to hide their imperfections the more obvious it appears that someone is trying to hide something, if that makes sense.
I would definitely say I’ve matured within last few years, but I still act immature at times, I just call it “young at heart”. Actually, studies show that when someone is and looks angry or unhappy all the time, it makes them look older. If you take two pictures of the same person and put it side to side, one where the person is frowning or unhappy and another picture where they’re smiling, and then were asked the question, which picture makes looks older?, you will automatically pick the unhappy picture. And this is how others see you.
I’ve also noticed that the more I give or help people the more happier I feel, 100x more than when asking for something. When you give or help people, something psychological, like the release of endorphines happens. This world is all about “what’s in it for me?” or “gimme more”, if we all gave or help one another the world would be a better and happier place. I love helping people and giving stuff, not to win people over but I love the feeling of giving. BUT, people take advantage of that and they’ll use and abuse ya. It’s about boundaries and limitations.
Especially in Toronto where people are in their own world, Toronto is a very unfriendly place, we’re polite in some areas of the city but reserved. The rest of Canada talks down about us, and I understand why.I guess big cities are known for that. And that’s why I’M MOVING next year!!
Time for a new start, new place, new beginning, new people.