Once you tell people you’re looking for more than a one nighter, seems like you’re not worthy. Sex is overrated and we know it feels great while doing it but is it just me or what? I feel dirty and depressed after a one nighter? Why? Cause I know I have a lot more to offer than sex and I am a lot better than selling myself short. I would rather have sex with my right hand than engage into something so meaningless. A lot of people would rather not commit, but c’mon isn’t life better when you’re sharing it with someone else?
If you’re over 30 and still tramping around, I think one needs to re-evaluate their life and get their act straight. Yes, it’s acceptable when we’re in our 20’s but once you hit a certain age, it’s time to grow up!
Once they hit their late 30s, many single gay men find themselves facing a troubling truth: they don’t know how to date.
After years of avoiding commitment and pursuing other aspects of their lives while treating their personal relationships with little urgency, they awake to discover they haven’t developed the dating skills needed to go in search of a long-term partner. If you’ve only ever approached dating as a formality in your hunt for sex, how do you begin to look for something more serious?
The first step is to admit to yourself that you really do want to be in a relationship. After years of going it alone many men take pride in their independence; they can find it difficult to move out of that comfort zone even when they’re missing emotional intimacy. Approaching dating with such an attitude can easily alienate potential partners. Being self-reliant is a good thing, but guys also want to know that the men they’re dating are willing and able to open up their lives and share them with the right person. This doesn’t mean you have to wear all your emotional needs on your sleeve, but just be willing to lower your guard and let people in.
Once you’ve decided that you want a relationship, put your energy into pursuing one and not into chasing casual hookups. While there’s nothing morally wrong with no-strings sex, for many gay men it’s a crutch. Physical intimacy is much easier to find than emotional intimacy, and settling for a quick fix can be more tempting than working to build a deeper, more substantial connection. If your personal life has been a pattern of hopping from one casual encounter to another, continuing this habit can easily distract you from your objective. Instead, approach dating as an opportunity to change the way you relate to men. Start viewing them as potential life partners and not as potential one-night stands.
Although you may feel that the opportunities to meet guys have lessened as you’ve grown older, there are countless avenues open to single gay men over 35. Whether it’s joining a gay social group, posting an online profile or working your network of friends, the key is to embrace these opportunities with optimism and enthusiasm. Waiting for Fate to bring you Mr. Right doesn’t work. You need to be proactive in changing the direction of your personal life, dedicating the time and energy needed to take full advantage of the dating opportunities available.
Be smart in your approach, though. You want to start dating other men like you, those who are also looking for a serious commitment, so focus your efforts on attracting them. Manline makes this easy by offering members a Relationship community where they can post their profiles. Before you do so, think carefully about the qualities you’re looking for in a partner and the type of relationship you want to have. The clearer and more specific you are in your profile, the better your chances of attracting someone who fits the bill. If you’re unsure, focus your profile on what you have to offer a partner.
When you do start fielding messages from interested guys, keep an open mind. Unlike cruising for casual sex where physical appearance is key, when looking for long-term partners there are a whole slew of other considerations. Always assess the compatibility of the entire package. And, when dating, do things together that play on your common interests. It’s a fast way to build a rapport from which sparks can fly. But don’t get too hung up on finding an immediate connection. It can take time to uncover someone’s relationship potential; don’t be too quick to cut it off unless you’re absolutely sure there is nothing between you.
Finally, remember that the more you date, the better you become at it, I have a lot of catching up to do, cause I ain’t dating anyone. And that’ in itself is sad. HELLO, this is Toronto, consider yourself very lucky if even your neighbour says Hi to you. So don’t be discouraged if you don’t immediately find someone, just look on the time spent as an investment in your skills. And besides, even those unsuccessful dates help you to better understand what you’re looking for by helping you recognize what you’re not.