In persuit of happyLESS.

Happiness. Anyone know? It’s an ongoing struggle that I keep facing on and off. There are so many things I want to change but for some reason I’ve got little ambition lately. Self-esteem shot. What the hell has got to me? I remember in my 20’s I had so much ambition burning inside of me that I knew some day I was going to be where I dreamt to be. Where is that place?

I was and still am a nut case because back then I told everyone I was gonna be famous. HELLO? For what? why? who cares? means nothing, does nothing,. Obviously there’s some emotional/psychological issues going on. Perhaps it’s the childhood thing, acceptance thing, and the I want everyone to hear my voice when I call out loud.

Happiness and I, we’re not familiar. We see eachother here and there, but nothing real. It ignores me, or I ignore it. Then the song that song ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ comes on and I want to shut it out, fading in ‘It’s My Life’, no one sings it better than Bon Jovi. And when all these sappy sad songs are playing with the violin in the background, something makes its way through. A sexy mexy song, it becomes louder as it approaches, becomes more powerful with evey beat of the sound. It makes my heart ponder, all warm inside, excited, carefree, wild, and me. I never thought I would tingle while I mingle and breakfree to ‘Dont Stop the Music’. 8 dancers and I crazy on the dancefoor. Unstoppable.

These dreams are made of these.

I’ve not tried every happy enforcing principal though, something I’m lazy about.

There’s nothing wrong with me. We weren’t designed by evolution to be happy. We were designed to survive and to leave descendants, and to do that, you don’t have to be happy, you have to be vigilant, ambitious, cautious, competitive, lustful… In short, lots of things, most of which are only tenuously related to happiness.

We don’t want to be happy. If we did we wouldn’t work so hard, probably would never have children, wouldn’t create disturbing art, wouldn’t have wars, etc. We want to avoid pain, seek status and possessions, attract mates, and have children. We kid ourselves that this is to do with happiness, but there is little evidence that it is.

The media has a lot to blame, we’re bombarded with false information of what we drive, the size of our homes, the clothes we wear, products we buy, and the size of our wallet all have significance and that its somehow important and that we have some superficial status. Marketing has a lot to answer for here. Most marketing has nothing to do with the intrinsic qualities of the products being marketed. It merely needs to suggest that people with that product are more attractive and successful than those without. Human psychology will do the rest, because we evolved under circumstances where it was always a bad thing to be less attractive and successful than the people around. This is a hard psychological trap to get out of.

You know what we gotta do? WATCH LESS TELEVISION and get all this gutter out of our systems! I read that surveys of people’s time use since the 1950s show that it has changed vastly, with much less time spent socializing, visiting relations, eating with friends, playing musical instruments, hanging out, being members of clubs and associations… Where has all that extra time gone? Two things. We spend more time in our cars, and more time watching television. It’s the biggest use of waking time outside work, especially for young people. This means that by the time they are ten, young people have been exposed to literally tens of thousands of television commercials.

One way to to live a happier life is that I suppose I would be to be content with my level of happiness rather than trying to change it. The second would be to focus on broader things than one’s own mind – art, science, nature, and the needs of others. The third is to understand crazy mind. It is the source of all my pain, and also the way out of all my pain. It’s the most sophisticated machine ever created, so best to try to observe what it does.

Someone else can’t judge what is intrinsically worthwhile for me. It’s a decision I have to make for yourself. I need to myself the following question: If I were suddenly sufficiently wealthy that I didn’t have to worry about working, what would I spend my time doing? Then I would ask the second question: Couldn’t I just do that anyway?


No, I did not get Madonna tix, if I’m gonna pay $350 she’s gonna have to give me a private show. Listen, we need to stop making the rich richer. We’re getting nowhere with that philosophy. Let’s help those in need, Madonna is not in need. I heard that ‘New Adults On the Block’ are back together and touring, tix are selling at $75, they’re in need…of something. They should do a group scene in gay porn, they’ll make more money.

No, I did not adopt a dog yet, still thinking about it. It has to be right timing and I havn’t found a Pug Cross to adopt. If I decide to, I will only rescue a dog from the shelters, right now there are no smaller younger dogs.

No, I will not be watching ‘Sex & the City’ in the theatre’s, it was meant for TV for a reason, save your money for when it comes onto DVD. And besides judging from the trailers it looks so corny and predictable. Big epics like ‘Ironman’ and ‘Indiana Jones’ are meant for the big screen.


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